Do you ever find yourself staring at the proverbial blank page, whatever your blank page is? Mine is, literally, a blank page (sometimes it is a filled page to be edited, not to add in too many confusing variables here). My blank page hasn’t gotten much attention in the last week. I was sick with the stomach flu. A few positive things did come out of the experience:
* My unwashed hair is shiny and bright (or is that greasy and oily?)
* I lost three pounds — bring on the bikini
* I was able to stay off my injured “ultra marathoner’s” foot for four days of healing
Despite the positives, I wouldn’t recommend the experience. I felt like a sticky larvae, cocooned in my blankets in a pupa-state of non-productivity. I may have emerged a shiny and thinner butterfly, but I had too many days to think about everything I wasn’t getting done.
Today is the first day I have been able to sit upright with my laptop and pull myself back into life, albeit cautiously and in bursts. I woke up excited to write but with other must-do’s weighing on me. I was, in fact, so jazzed about writing that I dreamed of it last night — as in I dreamed the actual words while my sleeping mind wrote them, down to dialogue and a word count display in Microsoft Word (I got to 4,513).
Unfortunately, my “night mind” was working on a new book — Young Adult genre — and that is not only unhelpful to me on Going for Kona today, but also I can’t remember a bit of the darn YA book this morning to make notes on it for later inspiration. #useless
So, it took me four hours to get everything done that was on the must-do-before-I-write list, before I pulled the blank page up in front of me. And I was stumbling, struggling, bumbling, and doing anything but writing for an hour after that, until the words of a song came into my head, a song I haven’t listened to in several years: “What You Waiting For” by Gwen Stefani, from her album Love.Angel.Music.Baby. (which effectively cross-marketed her “L.A.M.B.” clothing line — there’s a lesson to be learned there, too).
Here are a few of the lyrics she wrote about leaving the safety of a successful band, No Doubt, to write and record her first solo album:
Like a cat in heat, stuck in a moving car
A scary conversation, shut my eyes, can’t find the brake
What if they say that you’re a cloner
Naturally, I’m worried if I do it alone
Who really cares, cause it’s your life
You never know, it could be great
Take a chance cause you might grow
Oh, ah, oh
What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting for
Tick-tock, tick-tock
Tick-tock, tick-tock
Take a chance you stupid hoe
Like an echo pedal, you’re repeating yourself
You know it all by heart
Why are you standing in one place
Other than I wouldn’t call myself a “stupid hoe” (ha), this is how I feel about moving gradually from the consulting world, and the company I started with a partner 14 years ago, to an attempt to write — my version of “going solo” — and launch a new career as a novelist.
As I stare at the blank page, I wonder why I’m standing in one place with the same words of procrastination and self-doubt echoing in my head
Pamela, what are you waiting for?
What are we all waiting for?
Tick-tock: do it now, or you may miss your chance. Tomorrow is not a certainty — you could get the stomach flu again, or worse. Go find your inner Harajuku girl and write, right now, even if the writing is just words to fill a page; do it, and later, make it perfect.
Ciao, friends. I can’t wait any longer. I have to go fill that blank page. What are you through waiting to start?
Pamela
Pamela, I have had those days of just staring at a blank page. The way I over came that was to just free write about anything that's on my mind. Then later when I have more time I go back to re-write my,writers babble,so it can make sense.
ReplyDeleteThat's a great idea. As another writer said to me one time, "If you don't write, you won't have anything to re-write." And an agent last weekend drove that home with, "Writing IS re-writing."
ReplyDeleteCheers to babble!
Pamela - great job! I agree with it completely and think that this applies to SO much more than just writing... :)
ReplyDeleteTrue dat! I could apply this to many areas in my life. Like exercise. Which I haven't done all week!
ReplyDeleteThat hits it right on the head "this applies to SO much more than writing. Nice Job Pamela.
ReplyDelete;) That Gwen Stefani should be a motivational speaker.
ReplyDeleteA writing course I took said, "Pick a point in your life and write for 5 minutes about it, anything that comes to mind about that memory without thinking about it. Don't stop and fix, don't read, just write and write and write. At the end of 5 minutes, stop. It either helped stop the writer's block and you can go back to your original writing, or somewhere in it is inspiration. I really enjoyed this article because it is a great challenge - what AM I waiting for? WHY am I standing in one place? I keep saying, "I need to get back to..." then let life take me away from it. NO MORE - I ain't no 'ho either!
ReplyDeleteThis is a well written post and great advice, Pamela! Most of my writing is for grad school or my blog, but I still struggle with that blank page in front of me. When I just start typing random thoughts, I find the words and ideas come pouring out. Though I frequently end up somewhere different than I expected.
ReplyDeleteWow. I really needed to read that tonight. I'm the world's worst procrastinator with EVERYTHING. The longer I avoid things the more paralyzed I become.
ReplyDelete@Nikkolish -- The hardest word to write is the first one, and then, on our best days, they pour out like crazy! Rare is the day that they don't take me to unexpected places. I try to outline, but in the end, it is futile :)
ReplyDeleteGo forth and procrastinate no more, Snuggle Wasteland, and don't let the 2 Spawn block your way either (altho they are cuties).
ReplyDelete